Weeks 33 -34: Thursday 06 - Wednesday 19th July 2017
So... the last two weeks have been manic! In a good way 😄😄😄.
I really have tried to cram in as much as possible prior to surgery, as well as juggling all the medical appointments... as mum says, I am not one to let the grass grow under my feet! 😉
First off... an apology... to all my wonderful friends who have cooked for me or taken me out.... my appetite is still somewhat sporadic, but everything has been so lovely and thoughtful... I will have a lot of re-paying favours once fully recovered, fit and healthy... but also appreciate I am very lucky to have such good friends, family and neighbours 😊.
The first part of this fortnight was taken up by a long weekend trip to Portugal with my parents. The daily travel blog is on Facebook under 'Trials and Tribulations of Mrs Mac', but the few edited highlights includes mum coming up with a genius new business idea for the follicle-challenged like myself...
Basically I could create a range of beach balls with sunglasses on, to keep people like me company in the pool to stop feeling self-conscious. I came up with the name 'Bob the Baldie'. I couldn't stop laughing - I amuse myself sometimes lol.
But on a serious note, I think this was really the first time I had so many people stare at me. As it was so hot, I didn't even have a hat on, instead opting for fresh air and sitting under parasols. And gosh there were a lot of stares. I am not normally a self conscious person, but when even Dad picked up on it and commented on it, it was possibly the first time in 6 months I felt a bit more aware of maybe how much I have gone through... certainly in other people's eyes.
(Side note - I got free ice cream for being 'so brave' though... and who turns their nose up at free ice cream??)
Anyway, avoided sun burn successfully with the factor 50, even whilst inebriated through cider and mojitos (yes, people CAN still drink when getting cancer treatment - we are really quite normal like that lol).
Upon my return home, there was a bit of a further flurry of activity - dog needed teeth scaled and polished, my niece had to have open knee surgery, I had umpteen more medical appointments, and I also squeezed in a trip to Dublin to see my Irish Sue 😊. Part of all these activities is about making sure that all my affairs are in order before I get laid up for the best part of 3 months, part of it is about making sure I see all my loved ones, and the other part is that I know I am keeping myself deliberately busy so I don't overthink and get too nervous ahead of surgery. I know this much about myself ☺️.
And... don't get me wrong... I know it's still a momentous thing I am about to have done, all to be as cancer free as possible, but doesn't mean I don't have wobbles... a few people have asked if I am not scared of dying on the operating table... so my response was... "well, I wasn't...."
However, joking aside, I did speak to the breast care nurse about the risk of dying during surgery, but I am pleased to report that she said in the 15 years she had worked there, it had never happened 😄😄😄.
Other funny things which have happened along the way... at one of the appointments, mum and I went to get bacon rolls for breakfast before going to see oncologist. As we were walking to the canteen, there was a distinct smell of crispy / on verge of burning bacon... and then mum turned round and realised that the canteen is actually opposite the burns unit... 😱😱😱. It is actually quite funny, and I made lots of inappropriate jokes... but also pointed out that I also knew some hospitals where the canteen used to be beside the morgues.... 😜.
Anyways... moving on... (!)
Another appointment was my CT scan. Having never had one before, I had no idea what to expect.
Like most things to do with me, it was not without its funny side 😄.
First off - cannula didn't want to go in. My veins are now retracting into flight mode. Once I finally got that in place, I was then told to get into hospital gown and to tape a paper clip to my belly button... yes, you read that correctly, a paperclip 😜.
Supposedly this acts like a marker so that the surgeons know where my umbilicus is for when they need to create me a new belly button next week. (Am absolutely fascinated at all the wee details I am getting re: surgery!)
Then I got on the bed, raised my arms and had a few practise runs before the contrast dye got put in to me. All fine until the radiographer explained that when the dye was put into me, I might feel like I had wet myself.... "what the...????".
Anyway she then rushed to explain it was just a sensation, but I definitely would not do it in reality. But words of comfort did not stop me clenching everything together and exerting extremely good bladder control!
Then... when the polo mint shape was going over me and taking lots of pictures, making a disconcerting shifting noise, and requiring me to hold my breath... the fire alarm went off. 😜
At first I didn't appreciate that's what it was. I actually thought I had done something wrong and I had mucked up the CT scan, or had wet myself or had not been holding breath properly! But no, the radiographer came round and eventually explained somebody had pressed fire alarm instead of door release... phew!
(Visions of me being rushed out with backless hospital gown with paper clip on my belly did not fill me with joy lol!)
On another note, I am most grateful that during the past few weeks I have been able to speak to some lovely ladies who have had the same surgery as me, and get the real low down on what to expect... and I never used to be interested in pictures of women's boobs before, and now I have an unnatural obsession!
Indeed, a good friend actually took me into the toilet with her to show me her scars... to the rest of the population that may seem weird or some kind of sexual act... but it really isn't. Quite a few women I met at breast cancer events have offered to show scars... I think because it helps to allay fears of those who have yet to go through surgery..,
However, I am guessing flashing boobs in public toilets may be deemed strange... but when I get to the sharing stage, I just need to remember it's for medical purposes, no money changes hands, and I do not require a pole to dance round just to show off my scars 😉.
Then... my trip to Dublin was amazing... it's only with best friends who have known you literally for 20 years that you can sit down and get perspective... and constructive challenge. (Aside from my immediate family, obviously!).
Sue and I covered the whole range of emotions, and no subject was taboo... and then we went out, I got introduced to Gaelic football and quite a lot of drink, and actually a lot of pent up anxiety about surgery melted away. Maybe the answer lies in cider? 😜
Whatever it was, it worked. Well, at least until I was sitting in plane on runway to come home and the airplane door wouldn't close properly. And I overheard the cabin staff talking about whether it was safe to fly if they could wedge the door shut... 😱😱😱. (Door did get properly fixed after 40 minutes thankfully!)
Had some great time with mum and sister too this past week... I am not underestimating how tough it is on them too... but take great delight in making my sister squeamish... even if I was just talking about corns on toes at the time! But again, alcohol to the front... this time prosecco... "just the one" lol...
(Have never been a big drinker btw, but these past few weeks makes it appear I am a binge drinking alcoholic! Oops! 😜)
Managed to catch up with even more friends too, and laughed so much in last 2 weeks that I feel like I getting back to the old me 😜.
That's partly as I think the chemo is leaving my system and I have much reduced side effects nowadays... so the paranoid, moody, chemically imbalanced and hormonal woman is now going back in her box 😄. (At least until surgical menopause is induced... them I reserve all rights to be banshee from hell lol!)
And the main reason I know chemo leaving my system? I am now starting to feel cold again 😄. Its still in between horrendous hot flushes... but 6 months of overheating and horrible sweats is now being balanced with an occasional shiver where I need a sweater lol... old Linz is peeking through!
Finally for this blog, I had bloods taken in advance of my biophosphate infusion (more in next blog!) and a dental check up.
My lovely phlebotomist gave me a huge bear hug and wished me all the best... And that the staff team at the GP's surgery were all rooting for me 😄😄😄... I have also to stick my head in when I got out of hospital just to say hello and let them know how I was.
And then I had my scheduled 6 monthly dental appointment where I got told that my teeth are in perfect health and no issues... which given how sick I had been and various drugs, is nothing short of a miracle 😄😜😄.
So definitely on a high, definitely going into surgery with a 'can do' attitude, and feel at the point where I have sorted most admin things / paperwork in my personal life, and now I am just going to focus on recovery and achieving a model-like body 😉.
There are a few final things to sort and get done before Sunday... but quite laid back... and I have a fair few medical appointments and social engagements before sleeping under anaesthetic on Monday... but all good.
So on that stunningly cheery note... till next time! Xx
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