Weeks 42-44: Continuing recovery...

Weeks 42-44: Thursday 07 - Wednesday 27 September 2017

Another amazing few weeks... I have definitely done that thing of keeping myself uber busy in advance of impending surgery lol 😀.

Sometimes I definitely have a tendency to overthink things, but whilst I am a great believer in getting as much information as possible and assessing risks... ultimately I do actually trust the medical team who are in charge of my health 😀.

So I started off these weeks with a 'keeping in touch' day at work.  It's really good to make sure that my HR business partner knows what's going on with me, as I have recently learned that my next breast surgery is not actually likely to take place until maybe May next year... and there is no way I want to be signed off all that time, so actually I am now going to try get signed back to work sooner than my current fit note says... but that means making sure Occupational Health are happy, and that I take some annual leave so as not to lose it, but also carry forward the maximum balance allowed so that when I need a month off for my next surgery, it won't be on zero pay.... sometimes cancer really sucks when it starts impacting financially!

Had some really enjoyable times as well, like when I babysat for my friend's 3yr old little boy... what a cutie!  Was possibly the most active I had literally been for months, but taking him to the park, and playing 'kick the cut grass' along the way was just so funny.  The fact that he was so well behaved, gave me lots of cuddles, laughed when I was pretending to bite his feet, and then even went to bed at his own request was just a babysitting dream job.... the fact I subsequently fell asleep on the couch beside the monitor was another matter lol. 😀😀😀

On a crappier note, my poor puppy ended up in animal hospital for a week.  Ultimately she ended up having an abdominal incision and was put on methadone... (almost like my operation and morphine!)... in essence she had an inflamed intestine, bruised bowel, and along the way, activated the e-coli bacteria in her system and turned her tummy septic.  😭. I was so upset - she was in doggy intensive care and there was literally nothing I could do.  And it's really shit.  I can face my own death with a degree of pragmatism, but not being able to look after my puppy was just awful.  I never want to have to go through that again.

On a cheerier note, she did make a full recovery - and for people who  she's "just a dog", really better not make themselves known to me.  It did however show me exactly how much vets bills are... even with insurance 😱.  (Absolutely worth every penny though!)

I have managed to catch up with so many friends and family as well these past few weeks... across a whole range of situations, both personal and professional - to say there is a lot going on, is definitely an understatement! 🤔

(On a side note, my baby niece Sophia was an absolute joy to spend the day with... and never cried with me once!  But jings... I had no idea babies ate so much!)

I also had the joy of taking on my parents' pension advisor yet again.  Despite initial assurances,  the individual had not delivered on what he had promised back in May.  So after a carefully worded email, we all had a face to face meeting (with the light conveniently highlighting my small hair growth and my piercing gaze), where I politely but firmly put him through his paces.  I did say at the end of the meeting in a friendly tone, that I was glad the meeting was productive and took place when it did...  as me with chemo rage was possibly not the best time and place to ever be confrontational, and I may have dropped in the possibility we may change pension advisors should he fail to meet expectations.  He laughed nervously but did deliver on his promises within the following 10 days...  I just felt excited that I could engage my brain in a battle of wits 😀😀😀.

Other key things... had a meeting with Taylor Wimpey... I am getting decanted from the house at end of October due to final snagging works and the requirement to replace all the downstairs ceilings.  Not exactly ideal given I have my operation at the beginning of October, but I have decided that if I am well enough, I am going to try and get away on holiday.  Anywhere.  But somewhere warm would be nice to try and restore some rest and relaxation after what has been a fairly shitty year so far.  And given that TW are giving me 'moving out' compensation.... well, I might as well use it.  

To be fair - they did offer to change date of decant till next year if I wanted it... but to be honest, I am at the stage where I want everything fixed so I can decide what happens next with everything.  And I am also concerned that if I don't do it within the pre-requisite 2 years, then things may be conveniently forgotten.  Never let it be said I let the grass grow under my feet, and that I can't multi-task lol. 😜

This last weekend I was child minding down at my sister's, and my other niece came along too... along with my parents... it was a real family affair.  Most of the time it was great, but as ever with close family, they always know the buttons to press.  This time the kids were deciding to test boundaries in relation to gadget use.  The best compliment I got all weekend, was that I was "just like mum".... as I was confiscating phones, chrome books and Nintendo DS... but I told them I still loved them as they were being huffy teenagers lol. I can also pull the "don't tire me out, I had cancer" tag line when I think they have gone too far.... (bad auntie!)

I have also continued helping to de-clutter a friend's house.  Well, I say help.  What that actually means is that I sit on a beanbag with various bags before me for keeping, charity or bin, whilst she holds up items for my newly grown eyebrows to challenge on her keeping them... it's a fun thing to spend my time doing 😀😀😀.

Wound wise, I am pleased to report further progress 😀.  My tummy scar was never an issue, and although it looks quite pink and raw, it's actually completely healed 😀😀😀.  In fact, when the kids start comparing scar stories, I win every time with my one 😀😀😀 (not that I am competitive in any way, shape or form... honest 😜.)

The weird thing is that my tummy now just feels numb underneath - not a bad thing, but I definitely have to work on my abs... 

As for my breast wounds... well the last 3 weeks I have been on dry dressings and then a little more gel and steroid cream... but all is looking good ❤️❤️❤️.  Of course, the fact that I have no nipples yet, and I look like I have 'lollipop crossed with an anchor' shaped scarring keeps me amused on a daily basis.  As does the contorted positions I have to use in order to apply my dressings... but it makes me laugh, so all good there too.  It's also strange how the nerves are clearly growing back in some areas... the sharp lightning bolts can be quite perversely good to know that feeling and sensation are returning... and it's completely fascinating to understand the miracles of science!

My pre-op assessment had me a bit confused though.  It was nothing like my last pre-op assessment as they didn't draw any blood this time.  Just had to pee in a jar.... and take my weight / blood pressure.  They told me everything was just perfect and asked if I was not feeling anxious .... I am apparently unnaturally calm...  I did point out that this upcoming procedure was supposed to be a breeze compared to the major op, so therefore I wasn't worried... they just looked at me and said 'ok' 😀.

In relation to other stuff going on health wise... it appears that I may indeed be left with long term pain in my hips and my knuckles...  I stopped taking painkillers weeks ago, and decided I would rather tough it out.   The pain may stop on its own accord, or it may get worse after surgery which puts me into the menopause.  Weakened bones due to chemo.  But again... still alive... small price to pay. 😀😀😀. Just means my days of quick texting of novel-like messages may be limited... down but never out lol.

Other than that, I am actually pretty healthy... my wound clinic nurse has said she has not seen such a quick recovery for a long time... so clearly I must be a good healer... I think stubbornness and positive mindset also is a big factor too... the positive impact of love, banter and laughter I think.

I am also really chuffed as I am getting out and about more with the dogs, so starting to build up walking resilience too now... nothing quite like wrapping up warm and getting fresh air.  Apart from anything, it justifies my cream cake diet lol 😀😀😀.

Oh - and that's another thing - chemo has definitely exited my system... aside from my hair growing back like an elfin crop (and it's currently looking like a Tin Tin mini quiff), I am actually starting to feel cold again... just like old Linz was permanently cold! 

Also much excitement... I finally got signed up for going to breast cancer charity fashion show that 2 of my cancer buddies are going to be modelling for... that's at the end of October and looks set to be an amazing night.   I got to try on a few fancy dresses, and even posted a mini poll on Facebook.... so decided to go with glamorous red dress and new red wig for that Jessica Rabbit look.  One of my dearest (male) friends asked if I have now got a really small waist, or if I just had a large ass... to which I sent him a telling reply... 😉.  Silver linings of cancer treatment so far... I will indeed achieve my promised Barbie doll look at this rate lol!!!

So overall, a great few weeks.  Fatigue is still proving an issue, and I still can't do any big cleaning jobs around the house, however I am trying to sleep less to try and get body back into more normal routine. But I feel ready mentally to go back to work as I know I am now getting bored and need more mental stimulation.  

Next stage I know I will be climbing the walls... although I did manage to collect my new blackberry from work, and promptly forgot the password that I had just set....  the day after I had forgotten my laptop log in too... maybe I am not quite fully functioning yet lol.

Next week is the oophorectomy and plunging into the surgical-induced menopause... so going to have a few nights out in advance to celebrate lol.  May make for an interesting blog next time lol.  Unless I am in a menopausal rage.  But that also might be funny... 😱😜😀.

Until then peeps... silver linings, onwards and upwards, and all that good stuff 😀😀😀 xx