Week 28: Thursday 01 - Wednesday 07 June 2017
Well... I post this from Cornwall 😄😄😄.
The last week has certainly been interesting!
Coming home from chemo last week I both felt exhilarated and knackered. My mind was completely wired on steroids and adrenaline from it being the last session, but my body was just busy sucking in all the poisonous chemo.
Slept quite a bit that night, (all the extra drugs helped, although not with the night sweats 😥😥!). Thursday morning I was wide awake and eating weetabix with sugar on them by 6.30... (this is a new craving by the way... used to despise weetabix... and until chemo I could take or leave sugary things!!!)
This was a great start as it has literally been weeks since I could get up that early, and actually looking back at the numbers, my blood count this time around after having a week off from chemo, was actually better than before I even started chemo at start of February! (Cancer is a funny thing...!)
Anyhow... pottered around in the morning... still takes me ages to do things like shower and dress. Had taken a photo of all my medication to put on Facebook... jeezo there are a LOT of drugs I need to take just to keep my body ticking over this final time!!
There are steroids, painkillers, multiple anti sickness, anti histamines, anti diarrhoea, laxatives, white cell productor jag, lotions, potions, mouth wash, anti cramping, nerve blockers, indigestion remedies and stomach lining protecting drugs 😜... a perfect cocktail some might say, but trying to work out the timescales required between each type to not cause contraindications is a complete nightmare!!
Thank goodness for big black markers and my medication reminder app on my phone...😱.
Thursday was the day I had to give myself my last tummy jag (hurrah!) and also went to see the gynaecologist... (another hurrah! (Sicko I am, I know!))
Mum and I went out for bite of lunch first as I was not sure what to expect from the gynae consult.. but actually it was all done and dusted through chat, and signing a consent form all within the space of 10 minutes!
Basically the surgery to remove my tubes and ovaries (and put me into immediate surgical menopause!) will only take a quick 30 min keyhole procedure, so that means that that particular surgeon will waltz in first and then leave gracefully by the nearest exit whilst the breast and plastic surgeons then go on to do their stuff... but all great stuff as basically I am going to get all my surgeries done in one day 😄😄😄.
I know that may seem perverse to some people, but I feel better that they do as much to me in one surgery, rather than me going through multiple surgeries if I don't have to! (Therefore referring to best value for money, efficiencies of savings and practice, risk management options and what the customer wants!)
Thursday night I was still sleepy... best way to cope I suppose... I was absolutely adamant that I was desperate to get to my holiday - I really feel like now I just need to get away and get some peace within myself actually.
Everything has been such a whirlwind that I probably do need some calming sea air by myself / with mum just to take stock and regroup with everything. Still big changes to take place ahead, and there are still a load of things to get my head around. And what better way to do it, than ice creams and Cornish pasties? 😜❤️😉.
Friday I managed to catch up with my friend Fiona at my ever favourite Dobbies, and then even managed to drive to Gala and back for my niece's birthday meal. It was a great night with family, and I know they thought I was mad, but driving makes me feel normal and less like a sick cancer patient... plus... I just like driving and being a control freak lol. My music, my air temp, my speed... 😄😄😄.
Saturday saw a wee jaunt out for breakfast, more drop offs of clothes to charity shops and then a wee snooze before heading to a baby naming ceremony for gorgeous Gracie... I didn't actually manage to make any of the actual service, but got there for a wee hour at the end for tea and cake and to see everyone... (felt a bit like a limp rag though... everyone in their baptismal best, and I turned up in jeans, white shirt and a chemo cap... but in my defence I was too hot and rumpled to do anything else... oh the shame of it! 😣. Although to be fair, nobody judged me badly because of that thankfully!)
Saturday afternoon / evening just turned out to be a complete wash out... lots more sleeps despite the fact that G & Lou popped over too... I am clearly still not the most gracious of hosts when sleepy and to be fair I may have just mumbled a lot of nonsense!
Just as well everyone knows me so well as to not take offence lol.
Sunday was a much required day of rest... as was Monday too.... it turned out that Sunday and Monday nights were bad nights with pain 😥. And steroid come down. And chemo rage. And hating the world lol.
I think I had managed to lull myself and others into a false sense of security from previous few days, so to be curled up in tears and pain and frustration was just a bit pants to be honest.
I actually had real doubts whether I would actually make my flight on Tuesday... but at end of the day I am still a stubborn cuss. 😜
I had managed to drag myself out to get my planned pedicure / manicure to kick start my holidays - there is something definitely symbolic about finally getting rid of my raggedy chemo nails and generally looking brighter and healthier all round 😄.
(Haven't looked at fake tan yet, but that's a possibility to take away some of the pastiness / chemo rash!)
The great thing is I actually have so many lovely spa vouchers as pressies, that when I am back from holiday I am going to treat myself to full body spa works and get lotioned and potioned from ear to toe just to pep me up lol... can't wait!!!
Going to the airport on Tuesday was actually a bit daunting. Given my energy levels for walking are pretty pants, I was not actually sure how I would cope. Which is really ridiculous really as I am used to travelling... just not with chemo fatigue.... and it actually does make a huge difference 😱. I felt like proper old and sick person. And with hindsight, I maybe should have asked for assistance.
(I could have got driven everywhere with a cart and personal driver, as well as queue jumping!)
Aside from getting held up in security queues where standing for 20 mins made me uber tired, trembly and sweaty, I then started worrying about all the drugs I was carrying...
(Perversely they were fine with all the drugs... it was my IPad that got swabbed and checked lol!)
Anyway... no wandering the shops as I would usually - instead I grabbed a coffee and a quiet place to sit as close to gate as possible... I didn't even have the energy to queue to get in line.... I just waited until everyone else had more or less got through the doors before I went up to the gate.
Anyhow... The airline staff were lovely and there was no need to rush on or off the plane, and I also had spare seat next to me... so all good, I got a wee sleep and mum picked me up at the other end.
Tuesday night was supposed to be an extra birthday dinner for my niece... well, suffice to say I never made it in the end. It was all too much for me and I crashed and burned spectacularly. In true Linz form, I just made myself at home in yet another bed as the chemo took over my body...
The weather forecast is variable for the next 10 days... but going to just enjoy the peace and tranquility, being spoiled by mum and hoping my body heals somewhat in advance of stage 2 - surgery.
Proper rest and recuperation has been a long time coming... but as I said... ice cream and Cornish pasties... who can ask for anything more? 😉😉😉
Will prob not write another blog till after I see the plastics team on 19 June. There is something to be said from taking a break from technology right now, as well as the cancer chat... proper R&R!
Till then... happy hols 😉.
x
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